Editor’s note: Since news broke of the city’s investigation into former Police Chief Steven Singletary, his wife, Courtney, has stood firmly by his and their children’s sides. Her dedication to her wedding vows never wavered — drawing both praise and criticism. Her path of choice is the more difficult one, but for Courtney, the decision to take it was made the day she said, “I do.”
The following are edited excerpts of Courtney’s first words since the city’s investigation began.
How did you and Steve meet?
December 1999. Steve visited our church, and my father saw us looking at each other. Unbeknownst to me, he brought him home for Sunday dinner with our middle son in tow. I was mortified! As my father’s only daughter who was in her mid-20s, home from college but still unmarried, he decided to take matters into his own hands.
I didn’t see him (Steve) again for two weeks and couldn’t get him out of my mind. I saw him at church again on Christmas Eve and when he shook my hand at the end of the service and wished me a Merry Christmas, I was crushed. Then, a week later, I walked out to my car in downtown Tampa and found a small greeting card under my wiper. Inside was a “Merry Christmas. Give me a call.”
From our first date, we were inseparable, and I knew this was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
I had him on a time limit, though: I gave him only 1 year to propose to me. A year to the day, exactly, during the Christmas Eve service, he proposed and made my dream come true when I married him six months later.
I loved how he was a fantastic father, a hard worker and was a clean-cut all-American guy. I loved how much we have in common from our upbringing — sports, ethics, personalities and how his family instantly became part of ours.
What are some of your favorite memories of your marriage so far? How are those memories helping you now?
I’m a very traditional girl, whose goal in life was to be wife and a mother and live the white-picket-fence dream. One of the most romantic things he ever said to me after we met was, “Your life of settling is over. I’m going to make you happy.”
My favorite memories are when we bought our home next door to my parents and all our kids’ big moments, such as Little League, vacations and school programs. Watching his pride just filled my heart with pride and love.
My very favorite moment was when I told him I was pregnant. We had tried for years, had tests done, considered adoption and were preparing for fertility treatments for me.
My hairdresser and childhood friend, Lisa McGrath, told me at an appointment on a Friday night: “You’re pregnant. I can feel it, and I can tell by your hair.”
I told her she was sounding nuts like Steve, who had been asking me if I felt alright.
To prove them wrong, I bought a test and was shocked when the results showed positive. I had purposely tested when he wasn’t home. I casually text him to come home for something real quick. I couldn’t even speak; I just said, “Look!”
The look on his face was sheer joy. And the next day tailgating before the Gator game, he proudly told all his friends — even though we were suppose to wait, because of all my complications.
What about Steve’s two sons?
The word “step” has never been used in our house. They are instead referred to as my wedding gifts. They were 4 and 9 when they walked into my heart. We have always been close, and they call me “Mama.”
Now grown men at 24 and 18, they, of course, are handling it differently. It’s hard when you see your parents make mistakes or not do as they taught you, and the media circus has been a relentless invasion of their privacy.
They are disappointed and were fearful we would divorce. They had both lived that nightmare before and hated the divorced part of their childhoods.
Steve has been upfront with both of them, asked their forgiveness in private conversations I was not part of. They are relieved that I’ve reassured them that I’m not going anywhere — just like I promised them 14 years ago.
Everyone has to heal from this, but it has brought them even closer to me. They are very protective of me.
Most people would not fault you for leaving; most would even say you should. Why stay?
People do fault me for staying. I’ve been shocked to learn that this is the norm now and not as rare as I thought. Some of those faulting me for staying are guilty of the same things, some more than once and some where both spouses are guilty.
We made a promise 14 years ago and a vow that is not undone by human fallacy. (Their son) Mason is the most important person in this, and we are committed to making this work for him, with God’s help. I don’t love my husband any less, I’ve never thought of not staying and am thankful God didn’t let me lose him.
We are not unique in this by any means. Ours just became public knowledge, which had been extremely unfair and unkind.
From where do you find your strength?
My leaning on God and having thick skin. No one scares me, and my family is worth any pain. We are both seeing separate Christian counselors and will also seek out Christian marriage counseling.
My friend told me that horrible Tuesday night that people are watching me, how I’m handling this. That resonated with me. It is my prayer and goal to not only take the high road but also use this as part of our witness for our God, as we beat the odds for his glory and our happiness.
No one can go backward; we can only move forward. What direction is that for you?
My Mama has always said two things: “The only thing you can say about your past is it’s in the past. So leave it in the past,” and, “You can’t go from where you’ve been, you can only go from where you are right now.”
So that’s my direction: forward with faith.
What do you hope people take away from your story?
That we appreciate all the support, kindness, prayers even strangers have surprised us with during this obviously vengeful, coerced, unfair process Steve has been subjected to by those guilty of the same thing.
People aren’t seeing his interview, where he answered every question honestly and legal counsel present. Why? Because he told the truth, answered some interesting questions, but that just doesn’t make juicy enough media, so they show you edited information.
He was never granted any chance to refute evidence or accusations from the other party’s second interview, during which they changed their answers that led to questioning by individuals guilty of the same thing, who have never punished high-ranking positions before. Instead, that organization has forgiven, granted privacy and, in fact, promoted employees throughout time.
Those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
I encourage people who have enjoyed all this “public record” to see all of the public record. Ask: Why is there a double standard this time? Why should one lose their job but another public servant in a profession also calling for high moral standards doesn’t? Why is this any of my business?
After they have done those things, I hope people take a step back and say, “Let this family heal in privacy and wish us well on our journey.”
We are a family of five, suffering and struggling to make it physically, emotionally and financially. We are human and we are you. And, we are going to make it.