Grieving losses in life is something we face sooner or later. The loss can involve a person, a situation or even a way of life. No matter what form the loss takes, we are faced with saying goodbye.
Holiday time can concentrate grief because we often have memories associated with the time of year when friends and family gather.
Some people may feel pressured to project happiness or joy in celebration of the season even if they have experienced a significant loss in life.
If someone you love has died, it is better to be gentle with yourself in allowing emotions like sadness to be felt.
These feelings will never displace the powerful hope and reassuring comfort that this time of year brings to many people. Putting any necessary grieving on standby tends to make it more difficult.
Attempting to recreate a past time of life in the present moment can remind us that we need to let the present moment flourish and develop in renewed ways.
The times we have known are irreplaceable, but the creative process of life gives us times to enjoy that are different, not the same.
"….there are times we need to grieve and let go of conceptions that we have about what people and life are supposed to be." – Scott Toler
If you have lost an important person in your life, it helps to name the qualities that they had that you appreciated. Speaking with other people concerning what the person meant is also beneficial. Writing a personal eulogy can aid in letting go of someone that you have lost.
Moving from one place to another can trigger a grief response over the former place of residence and the people known there. Thus, extending a welcome to someone who has just arrived in your area can become a meaningful gesture.
Discovering what we need to learn becomes the basis for keeping a balanced perspective during these times.
People sometimes keep objects that represent a significant event in life.
They become attached to the object because they have not acknowledged the grief involved with letting go of the past event. If this pattern repeats itself often enough, the person may run out of room to store these objects of attachment.
In a conversation I once had with someone, I was asked how much of a chance there was for another person to change in a certain way. It occurs to me now, as I reflect on that question, that there are times we need to grieve and let go of conceptions that we have about what people and life are supposed to be. This could restore equilibrium to an emotional state overloaded with expectations.
The parties and gatherings that we will attend through the coming weeks may bring new friends or may bring memories of a person you miss.
Please give yourself permission to do any grieving that you feel you need to do. Heightened appreciation for people with you now and for love of life are sure to follow.
Scott Toler is a licensedmental health counselorliving in Plant City.He can be reached atetoler25@tampabay.rr.com.