Mental health counselor Scott Toler gives advice on New Year's resolutions.
Some New Year’s resolutions get kept, and others get broken. While the uplifting feeling you get from following through
on a resolution is motivating, letting a resolution slip away from you is not as negative as it may seem. The act of accomplishing what we want to do while leaving something less desirable for later helps to clarify our priorities.
Resolving to have regular contact with a friend may improve the emotional health of both you and the other person. However, if the genuine preference is to do something else with your time, that resolution will get broken. You could berate yourself for giving up on the goal, or you could start finding out what goals you would rather fulfill this year.
One definition of a goal is something that you want to accomplish. You may want to walk more, but then the questions of when, where and how far you walk need answering. A goal accompanied by a plan makes an achievable resolution.
Sometimes, the necessity of a resolution is made clearer by a compelling set of circumstances. For instance, a doctor’s directive to improve your physical health or face a disabling disease could fortify your resolve to exercise on a more frequent basis.
"You could berate yourself for giving up on the goal, or you could start finding out what goals you would rather fulfill this year."
People have thoughts followed by emotions related to what they are thinking. If your thought is that getting up earlier in the morning lets you do more of what you choose to do then this leads to anticipation of the day’s events. This could end the dread at the prospect of the alarm going off in the morning.
Bringing a resolution to fruition because you want to do so is much more enjoyable. Starting to ask the question, “What do I want to do?” allows you to pursue goals that come from you as a person. Living on this basis leads to an enhanced appreciation for the better moments in life. Thus, you are able to project positive energy into the world.
It also helps to find out if your resolution comes from someone else’s suggestion or from something someone thinks you should do. This serves as a good criterion for discovering whether or not it is coming from a genuine intention you have. If the resolution comes from you then it may be done without obligation to anyone else’s agenda.
I know someone who lost complete sight in both eyes from an accident. He made the resolution to live as normal a life as possible despite being unable to see. At some point, he had to make the decision that he wanted to continue working with the help of his seeing eye dog, his friends and his family. This was his answer to the question of what he wanted to do without eyesight.
Suited to yourself, a resolution can provide a framework for what you want to accomplish in the coming year. Enjoyment is added if it is one that touches on your true desire to do it.
Scott Toler is a licensed mental health counselor living in Plant City. he can be reached at etoler25@tampabay.rr.com.
