The development of technology was supposed to reduce stress in our lives by allowing machines to do the work that people had to do by hand for thousands of years.
Instead it seems that life has become less carefree than it used to be. Cell phones allow us to be reached at more times and places than ever before, and opening the window of Facebook on a daily basis reveals what others do with their personal lives.
Has this constant exposure contributed to increased stress in the lives of people?
Even if this is not the cause of people feeling less relaxed, it seems that people are more stressed than they once were. This situation raises the issue of what to do about the stress people feel.
As a mental health counselor, I have found some coping strategies that work well. These involve accepting that, though we cannot change what happens in life, we can change the way we see what happens. Our view of events is crucial to the way we feel.
For instance, if someone says or does something we dislike, it is better to realize that each person takes actions arising out of an agenda that makes that person who and what they are. We can choose to personalize what they do in terms of our own concepts about behavior, but this sets us up for constant disappointment in other people. Recognizing that the choices people make usually have more to do with adjustments they have made to life over a period of years helps in softening the blow if our feelings are hurt.
The moment by moment account we get of daily life from social media also makes us subject to the shifting moods people may have at a given moment. Instances of another individual’s feelings seeping into our own outlook are becoming more common. Making the conscious choice to remain positive in the face of this sometimes unwanted factor of modern life can lead us to feel better.
This means that we must fortify our inner selves with reminders to be grateful about what is good in life, and that we remember the qualities in ourselves we find likable.
We can identify just what it is we feel, and then ask ourselves why we feel that way. If the reason for the emotion is something significant, we can formulate a plan to improve the way we feel.
The plan could be something simple such as going for a walk or calling someone who comforts us. It could involve describing the source of the troublesome feeling in writing and then throwing away the paper or erasing the text. This symbolizes a desire to be finished with the issue that bothered us.
Sometimes feeling better involves changing patterns of behavior that cause problematic consequences. When this is the case, any pause made before speaking or acting allows time to think about the way our intended words or actions may affect other people. The momentary rush of saying and doing just what is wanted at the moment is less important than the impact this could have on another person.
Making the effort to do this is called being mindful. Mindfulness means that we are aware of ourselves in relation to our inner lives and in relationships with other people. It helps us to pay attention to important messages from the occurrences of everyday life.
Taking needed time to respond to someone in a thoughtful way is part of this approach to life.
It helps us to treat ourselves in more careful ways, too.
Scott Toler is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor living in Plant City. He can be reached at etoler25@tampabay.rr.com.
