At some point in life, most people start a long-term relationship with someone. Having a companion in life reduces feelings of isolation and leads people to form other social bonds that support a healthy society. The people involved in such a partnership tend to get to know each other better than they have ever known anyone else.
The closeness of this relationship can cause joy from discovering appealing qualities that were overlooked at first. However, it can also cause frustration from discovering irritating qualities.
If someone chooses to concentrate on the annoying qualities and not the admirable ones, tension becomes the norm in the relationship.
It is important to value your partner for the person that they are in the present, instead of projecting an idealized picture in your mind of the person you would rather see. Such a fantasy may never be realized, and the genuine essence of your significant other is missed when you are distracted by the process of building that perfect, flawless person.
Each person brings to any relationship a uniqueness that cannot be replicated. Thus, the people involved in that partnership are privileged to watch each other as they develop the lives that they were meant to live.
Expectations of a partner in a relationship are not always fulfilled. When this becomes the case, it is good to ask how realistic the expectations were in terms of the kind of person the partner is. Determining that the other person is unable to meet the expectations because of the kind of person they will allow you to let go of what they cannot do. From this will come discussions with your partner about reachable expectations that they may meet.
Become comfortable with the fluctuations that long-term relationships undergo. Saying, “I love you,” on daily basis can aid in the longevity of a relationship. Expressions like this show that no matter what comes your way, the affection you have for a partner endures.
Can we talk?
Admitting to yourself that you are bothered by a quality that you find unattractive in your partner is important. This can lead to conversations about how your emotional state is affected by what they do.
If your issue is phrased in a non-judgmental way that avoids an accusatory tone, it can result in a compromise that strengthens the relationship. Using statements such as, “When you do or say that, I feel this way,” is an example of putting an issue in a context without condemning.
Saying, “You always interrupt me,” or, “You never do anything for me,” comes from limiting your partner to one form of behavior. Reminding yourself of what you find attractive about your partner.
Scott Toler is a licensed mental health counselor living in Plant City. He can be reached at etoler25@tampabay.rr.com.
